Why won't my 14 year old son share his feelings with me?

My 14 year old is obviously unhappy, yet he won't talk about it.  His older sister talks with me about everything, so I don't think it is me.  Why won’t he tell me what is wrong?

The reason that teens often will not talk about their feelings is because they are afraid, desperately afraid, that they will not be accepted if they are honest about difficult feelings, even to their parents. They are feeling so low about themselves, or they are so angry at themselves for not being perfect, or they have come to believe that if they are not perfect they should be embarrassed and ashamed, that they will not talk about it. They do not realize that stuffing the feelings by not talking about them eventually comes out anyhow, in negative ways that spill out all over the place. We see those behaviors leaking out like a bucket with holes. A rule of thumb that we can use in terms of understanding our children is: If they do not talk it out, they are going to act it out.

For young women (in this country), it is culturally more acceptable for them to share their feelings.  She might say: I want to have friends, I want to be close to people, I want to be with someone. But for young men to communicate the same thing is culturally unacceptable. A young man is trying to get what he needs without asking for it, so he turns to autonomy or an "I can do it myself" mentality in order to feel a sense of value or self-worth.