How do I know if my son needs counseling?

My 16 year old son is getting more and more moody...one day super angry and the next day depressed and telling me that he doesn't have any friends. I'm getting worried because I don't know what to do. How can I tell if he needs counseling or if it's just a phase of being a teenager?

Based on your question, your son does not sound like he needs counseling...yet. But after reading this response, you might see things differently.  You can always intervene by giving him a consequence (which is usually appropriate), but also by trying to listen to his behavior.  He's trying to communicate feelings that he can't seem to get out with words. And unknowingly, he will usually act the worst with those he feels closest to.  You seem to be the one he feels is least likely to reject him when he shows his ugliest, or sometimes most vulnerable feelings.  

It's important to allow young people to fall and get up on their own. Being forced to struggle with our feelings has many valuable lessons and is not a bad thing in and of itself. But when behavior patterns become consistently destructive; to themselves and those around them, it is better to be proactive...reaching out to professionals for information and maybe counseling, rather than waiting until things are unbearable at home, school or for our kids internally.

When teens feel out of control and don't know why, they get scared. They want help. But just like many (if not most) adults, they often don't know how to ask for it. They don't realize it, but acting out their anger, being extra difficult to live with and sometimes getting into trouble at school or with the law are usually indirect ways they use to get your attention. They're unconsciously saying through behavior, "Help me stop ruining my life! It's freaking me out because I don't know why I keep doing this stuff!" 

You'd be amazed at how many teens have told me that they were really glad their parents forced them to go to counseling. I see expressions of relief and calmness...and often tears.  I teach them ways to figure out how to identify genuine feelings and I help them develop positive coping mechanisms to deal with those feelings.  It's an awesome reward to watch them blossom into happy, optimistic and confident young adults; ready to take on the world!

So when parents start to see patterns of self-destructive behavior (non-compliance, problems at school, lack of remorse for yelling at you, etc), then it's probably time to consider reaching out to professionals for help. As parents, we want to work hard to be secure enough within ourselves to not give in to the anger and resistance our kids put up against counseling. Their resistance is typical and consistent with the very behavior that needs to be addressed.