tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68043045287529388682024-02-07T08:08:01.533-08:00Ask The Anger GuyEvan Katz, warmheartedly known as The Anger Guy, answers questions about anger. You can visit his website at <a href="http://www.theangerguy.com">www.theangerguy.com</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-56252766967044341102013-12-20T22:39:00.001-08:002013-12-20T22:39:25.032-08:00Another Conversation with Dr. Pamela Brewer re: The Impostor Phenomena and Stress<iframe width="400" height="370" src="https://player.cinchcast.com/?show_id=5826687&platformId=1&assetType=single" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><div style="font-size: 10px;text-align: center; width:400px;">Check Out Psychology Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with <a href="http://www.blogtalkradio.com/myndtalk-with-dr-pamela-brewer" rel="nofollow">MyNDTALK with Dr Pamela Brewer</a> on BlogTalkRadio</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-65965172710334387692013-12-14T11:23:00.001-08:002013-12-14T11:23:30.720-08:00Interviewed on FOX 5: Holiday Stress<script src="http://WAGA.images.worldnow.com/interface/js/WNVideo.js?rnd=454;hostDomain=www.myfoxatlanta.com;playerWidth=630;playerHeight=355;isShowIcon=true;clipId=9621558;flvUri=;partnerclipid=;adTag=Morning%2520Show;advertisingZone=;enableAds=true;landingPage=;islandingPageoverride=false;playerType=STANDARD_EMBEDDEDscript;controlsType=overlay" type="text/javascript"></script><a href="http://www.myfoxatlanta.com/" title="Atlanta News, Weather, Traffic, and Sports | FOX 5 ">Atlanta News, Weather, Traffic, and Sports | FOX 5 </a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-32491259466688621172013-12-12T17:58:00.000-08:002013-12-12T17:58:03.199-08:00A Conversation with Dr. Pamela Brewer, host of MyNDTALK, about how I came to be The Anger Guy.Hear me interviewed by Dr. Pamela Brewer, host of MyNDTalk radio about how I came to be The Anger Guy; sharing my personal story growing up w/an angry father; eventually becoming a catalyst to his death. <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="370" src="https://player.cinchcast.com/?show_id=5798051&platformId=1&assetType=single" width="400"></iframe><br />
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Check Out Psychology Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with <a href="http://www.blogtalkradio.com/myndtalk-with-dr-pamela-brewer" rel="nofollow">MyNDTALK with Dr Pamela Brewer</a> on BlogTalkRadio</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-52098175804559821492013-12-03T10:44:00.001-08:002013-12-03T10:47:16.337-08:00Feature Article by Bajeerao Patil, MSW <div data-mce-style="text-align: left;" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 18.99147605895996px; text-align: left;">
<strong>An associate of mine</strong> recently asked that I review an article written by an author she was working with. It was so relevant and to the point that I decided to post it. The reality is that more than half my clients, all of whom come to me with anger, have problems with addiction or addictive tendencies. If you see yourself or someone you know in this well-worded article, I strongly suggest checking out his book as well.</div>
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<b>How Anger Can Lead to Drinking or Using Drugs</b></h3>
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<strong>by Bajeerao Patil, MSW</strong></h5>
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<strong style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 18.99147605895996px; text-align: center;"><em>Author of Lifelong Sobriety: How to Stop Drinking And/Or Using Drugs</em></strong></div>
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<strong>Anger is a powerful emotion</strong>, extensively experienced but quite inadequately handled. Do you know anger has caused more damage in the world than any other single emotion? Of course, anger is a self-destructive emotion, but it has a tremendous potential to harm others as well. Some of the most serious crimes such as aggravated assaults, murders, riots and wars are a direct result of anger that is not handled well.</div>
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Lack of control on angry thoughts and inability to handle anger appropriately has destroyed many individuals, families, communities, and even nations. Additionally, anytime you don’t handle your anger well it causes you heartache, headache, stress, anxiety, high blood pressure and relationship issues. One of the leading causes of relationship issues is also anger. Several divorces are taking place daily because couples aren’t able to handle their anger appropriately.</div>
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Many end up in jail because of their inability to handle their anger well. Also, countless individuals end up drinking or using drugs when they are angry. In the course of my work, as a drug and alcohol counselor over 25 years, I have come across several individuals who relapsed because they weren’t able to handle their anger well.</div>
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<b>Brian’s Story:</b></div>
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Recently, I had Brian in my office, who was in treatment last time about a year ago.</div>
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“What brought you here?” I asked</div>
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“I relapsed,” he responded guiltily.</div>
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“What happened?”</div>
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“I was doing well. I was clean for seven months. But one day I had an argument with my girlfriend, Brianna, do you remember her?”</div>
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“Yes! She attended a family session when you were here the last time, right”</div>
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“Correct,” he said enthusiastically.</div>
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“After the argument what happened,” I enquired.</div>
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“I got real mad, left the house and smoked crack.”</div>
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“So, what’s going to be different this time?” I asked.</div>
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“I will not act out the way I did the last time. I will not fight with my peers either.”</div>
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“Do you remember what you did when you were here the last time?”</div>
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“I’m sorry for punching holes in your wall. I remember you telling me that if I didn’t handle my anger well I would relapse.”</div>
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“So at least this time you should focus on learning some techniques to deal with your anger differently.”</div>
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“Sounds like a plan to me. Can I go to smoke?” And out the door he went.</div>
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A couple of days later, while at the nursing station, he got into an argument with his roommate and when the nurse intervened he cursed her out using racial slurs and left the treatment. Two days later we got the call from the crisis center that Brian wanted to come back, but we had to turn him down for our beds were full.</div>
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Time and again, I come across individuals who use drugs or alcohol because they aren’t able to manage their anger appropriately.</div>
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<b>Dan’s Story:</b></div>
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Dan, my ex-patient has relapsed several times because of his inability or rather refusal to handle his anger properly. He was always angry and complained about his peers in general and female peers in particular. One day, early morning he barged into my office fuming. He was so angry that words were frozen in his mouth. After taking a deep breath, he began bad mouthing his peers. When I asked him why he was angry. He complained that a couple of female peers were touching him inappropriately and that he wasn’t there for rehab romance and that he was a married man. But he wouldn’t reveal the names of his peers who were touching him inappropriately because he wasn’t a snitch.</div>
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“When did it happen?” I asked.</div>
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“A few days ago.”</div>
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“Then why are you complaining now?”</div>
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“Because I’m angry.”</div>
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“Angry after so many days?”</div>
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He didn’t say anything. He was looking for an excuse to leave but also wanted to be able to justify his action to his wife and others. Later, he spat out all his medication because he thought the nurse gave him the wrong pills. I spent a considerable amount of time explaining how his anger was causing him unnecessary stress and aggravation and what he should do to manage his anger.</div>
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Several days later, he found another reason to be angry about. He claimed that his leftover food went missing from the patients’ refrigerator. Interestingly, he knew who stole it but wouldn’t give away person’s name. Finally, he left and got high. The same day his wife brought him back to treatment, and he was readmitted. He promised her that he would learn to deal with his anger appropriately and that he wouldn’t use drugs again.</div>
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Many use drugs to pacify their anger, but it doesn’t help the situation. Actually, it complicates the situation further. It clouds their thoughts and impairs their judgment. It doesn’t allow anyone to experience peace of mind. Walking away from anger producing situation, meditation, exercising, reading positive literature, listening to soothing music does help in managing anger well. But the proper solution is understanding. Understanding anger and its futility will help you refrain from entertaining angry thoughts and acting without considering the consequences of your action. Slowly but surely it will allow you to combat anger with love which is the most effective way to deal with anger. Think about it.</div>
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<strong><em>About Bajeerao Patil</em></strong></h5>
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Bajeerao Patil has been treating addictions as a drug and alcohol counselor for over 25 years. He has Masters Degrees in Social Work and Human Resources. He is an avid teacher of addiction and recovery. He is affiliated with the Drug and Alcohol Testing Industry Association. Bajeerao Patil is an author of Insanity Beyond Understanding and Lifelong Sobriety. To learn more about Bajeerao Patil and his work, visit<b> </b><a data-mce-href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0989569810/" href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0989569810/">http://www.amazon.com/dp/0989569810/</a> and <a data-mce-href="http://www.bajeeraopatil.com/" href="http://www.bajeeraopatil.com/">http://www.bajeeraopatil.com/</a>.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-35426088342404024552013-11-19T13:42:00.001-08:002013-11-19T13:42:07.560-08:00<h3 style="background-color: #fefefe; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Garuda, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1em; margin: 0px 0px 0.6em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
POOR LAWS AND LACK OF FUNDING RESULT IN TRAGEDY….AGAIN.</h3>
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<b style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">My view? </b>This is not about Senator Deeds. This tragedy is about the sad state of mental health services for people who really need it. This would have never happened if the son’s mental health had been taken for what it was…a danger to self and others. But they let him go because “no bed was available?? Give me a break!</div>
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It’s a big deal now because it was a public figure that was “attacked.” The truth is this happens much more often; my educated guess is at the very least, once a week. Had the State of Virginia had any understanding of the cost of ignoring mental illness, they might (note: might) have strengthened laws and provided funding for young adults like Gus Deeds.</div>
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It appears that the psychiatric hospital where he was evaluated released the kid because <em style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">there wasn’t a bed available and the law didn’t give them the power to keep him; </em>otherwise they would have kept them.</div>
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<i style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">A source told the Richmond Times-Dispatch that the emergency custody order, or ECO, allowed Gus Deeds to be held as long as four hours to determine whether he should be held longer, up to 72 hours, under a temporary detention order.</i></div>
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<i style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The son was evaluated Monday by the Rockbridge Area Community Services Board in Lexington. An emergency custody order can be issued by any magistrate.</i></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;"><i style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">A source said no psychiatric bed was available, which is why Gus Deeds was released.</i></span></div>
</blockquote>
<div style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin-bottom: 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
It’s a tragedy that the Senator has been wounded (and the family has lost their son and brother). Fortunately his prognosis is good. But the Senator is not the primary victim. His son is dead because the State of Virginia did not (and does not) have laws in place or appropriate funding to protect the “Gus’s” of that State from harming themselves or others. And what’s even worse is that this is the norm throughout the country. This tragedy is but one example of many. The culture of our country, not just Virginia’s, continues to perceive mental illness as less serious and less a priority than physical illness. How many tragedies do we have to endure?</div>
<div style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin-bottom: 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
Until we as a society change, this is the price that will continue to be paid. Until our politicians start walking the talk instead of only talking the walk, nothing will change. Maybe they should all be required to take Psychology 101.</div>
<div style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin-bottom: 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
Ultimately it is society’s fault. We vote our policy makers in and out. If mental health and mental illness was a priority for the American people, we wouldn’t see a pervasive pattern of neglect for those who need it the most.</div>
<div style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px; margin-bottom: 20px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline;">
This is how I see it. Everything we read will be about the Senator as the victim. His son will be seen as the villain. What a shame that nothing will change…the country still isn’t ready to own the truth. And now the real victim is dead.</div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-45431166279966458472013-09-30T17:13:00.002-07:002013-09-30T17:13:49.728-07:00Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them<h4>
<b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Dear Anger
Guy,</span></b></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><b>My husband is almost always angry about something. He often yells but says he isn't yelling. He tries to convince me that I'm
too sensitive. How do I know if he is overreacting or if he is right...that I am being too
sensitive?</b></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><b><br /></b></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="line-height: 18px;"><b>~</b> Confused</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><b><br /></b></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear Confused,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>It sounds like your husband uses anger to get his way.</b> He’s learned that his anger and controlling
behavior gets him what he wants and that acting out his anger is a great way to make that happen. Your husband’s behavior is not appropriate or typical, and it is not okay. You are not being too sensitive. In fact, you're probably not being sensitive enough because you still put up with it!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My guess is that you walk on eggshells around him; worried
that you will do or not do something that will set him off. You probably focus on his needs before your
own. And no matter how hard you try it feels like whatever you do is never enough. He probably says, "If you would just change then I wouldn't have to
yell.” What's really happening is that<i>
he needs you to change so that he doesn't have to.</i> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Believe it or not, his
aggressive and controlling behaviors are due to underlying feelings of
powerlessness and low self-esteem. He
compensates for feeling “less than” other people, namely you...by acting the opposite (he acts powerful). What seems like an abundance of security and self-confidence is actually a way for him to hide his fear that you will find out
that he isn't the strong, confident guy he wants you to think he is. He has no idea that he feels like this...it's mostly unconscious. All he knows is that you make him angry and that he feels like a jerk after taking out his anger at your expense. And he does it over and over and over, right?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So are you oversensitive?
I don’t think so. You are
probably reacting to him the way most people would. Your instincts are telling you this is wrong. And although what is
happening to you is not right nor just, the reality is that it is your responsibility to deal with it. And until you decide that
you do not deserve to be treated this way nothing will change. You will stay focused on the problem and not be able to see the solution. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once your mindset changes and you draw a line in the sand,
he will protest but will likely begin to change; reaching out for help if you
demand it. Regardless of what he says
and how he acts, the last thing he wants is to lose you. To him, you are all he
has. Nevertheless, remember that this is
his problem, not yours...and like you, only he can decide to change.</div>
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-82591983296328563912013-09-17T08:40:00.002-07:002013-09-17T08:40:57.460-07:00Why won't my 14 year old son share his feelings with me?<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><i>My
14 year old is obviously unhappy, yet he won't talk about it. His older sister talks with me about
everything, so I don't think it is me.
Why won’t he tell me what is wrong?</i></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; text-indent: 0in;">The reason that teens often will not talk about their
feelings is because they are afraid, desperately afraid, that they will not be
accepted if they are honest about difficult feelings, even to their parents.
They are feeling so low about themselves, or they are so angry at themselves
for not being perfect, or they have come to believe that if they are not
perfect they should be embarrassed and ashamed, that they will not talk about
it. They do not realize that stuffing the feelings by not talking about them
eventually comes out anyhow, in negative ways that spill out all over the
place. We see those behaviors leaking out like a bucket with holes. A rule of
thumb that we can use in terms of understanding our children is: If they do not
talk it out, they are going to act it out.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">For young women (in this country), it is culturally more acceptable for them to share their feelings. She might say: I want to have friends, I want
to be close to people, I want to be with someone. But for young men to
communicate the same thing is culturally unacceptable. A young man is trying to
get what he needs without asking for it, so he turns to autonomy or an "I can do it myself" mentality in order to
feel a sense of value or self-worth. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-22457033179005023792013-09-11T10:34:00.004-07:002013-09-11T10:34:44.689-07:00 How do I know if my son needs counseling?<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><i>My 16 year old son is getting more and more moody...one day super angry and the next day depressed and telling me that he doesn't have any friends. I'm getting worried because I don't know what to do. How can I tell if he needs counseling or if it's just a phase of being a teenager?</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Based on your question, your son does not sound like he needs counseling...yet. But after reading this response, you might see things differently. You can always intervene by giving him a consequence (which is usually appropriate), but also by trying to <i>listen to his behavior. </i>He's trying to communicate feelings that he can't seem to get out with words. And unknowingly, he will usually act the worst with those he feels closest to. You seem to be the one he feels is least likely to reject him when he shows his ugliest, or sometimes most vulnerable feelings. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It's important to allow young people to fall and get up on their own. Being forced to struggle with our feelings has many valuable lessons and is not a bad thing in and of itself. But when behavior patterns become consistently destructive; to themselves and those around them, it is better to be proactive...reaching out to professionals for information and maybe counseling, rather than waiting until things are unbearable at home, school or for our kids internally.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
When teens feel out of control and don't know why, they get scared. They want help. But just like many (if not most) adults, they often don't know how to ask for it. They don't realize it, but acting out their anger, being extra difficult to live with and sometimes getting into trouble at school or with the law are usually indirect ways they use to get your attention. They're unconsciously saying through behavior, <i>"Help me stop ruining my life! It's freaking me out because I don't know why I keep doing this stuff!"</i> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
You'd be amazed at how many teens have told me that they were really glad their parents forced them to go to counseling. I see expressions of relief and calmness...and often tears. I teach them ways to figure out how to identify genuine feelings and I help them develop positive coping mechanisms to deal with those feelings. It's an awesome reward to watch them blossom into happy, optimistic and confident young adults; ready to take on the world!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So when parents start to see patterns of self-destructive behavior (non-compliance, problems at school, lack of remorse for yelling at you, etc), then it's probably time to consider reaching out to professionals for help. As parents, we want to work hard to be secure enough within ourselves to not give in to the anger and resistance our kids put up against counseling. Their resistance is typical and consistent with the very behavior that needs to be addressed.</div>
<h3 style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></h3>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-78070354294373594502013-09-06T10:14:00.000-07:002013-09-06T10:14:51.826-07:00Does a Fist Through the Wall Mean that my Teenager has an Anger Problem?<h4>
I am concerned that my teenager has an anger problem. He put his fist through the wall the other day. Should I be concerned that he has deeper issues?</h4>
<span style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">A fist
through the wall is angry behavior, however, it does not necessarily suggest that your teen has an anger problem. And this is where we usually
misinterpret what is really going on. The child who puts the fist through the
wall is using behavior to say, "I am feeling something so intense down below that the
only way I know how to get it out is through angry behavior". This is key to
being able to recognize and understand more about what is going on inside the minds of our kids. If they can't or won't talk it out, they'll act it out. But one way or another...it's coming out. This is true for all of us. So in answer to your question...possibly. We need to teach our kids to use words to express difficult feelings; which means we, their models, need to do the same!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0Atlanta, GA, USA33.7489954 -84.387982433.3266004 -85.0334294 34.1713904 -83.7425354tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-77546078894571977902013-04-16T07:09:00.001-07:002013-09-30T17:18:01.517-07:00"Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so." ~Shakespeare<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My name is Evan Katz, also known as The Anger Guy</span></b>. I've specialized in counseling and evaluating angry people (mainly men
and teens) since 1994. I’m good at it
because I was an angry man. When I see
someone like me, I understand. But I
changed. And if I can change, anyone
can.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My blog posts are intended to be helpful. The knowledge and opinions I pass on are
based not only on my role as a psychotherapist, but also on my experience and
that of countless others. I’m honored
that you’ve taken the time to read what I have to say. I hope you benefit and
find value you can integrate into your life.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-82112324266339147702013-01-14T19:40:00.000-08:002013-01-14T19:40:02.827-08:00Life's moments...Life certainly has its moments, doesn't it? Sometimes I feel like I'm riding the highest wave and other times being pounded by it. Today was no exception. My oncologist's medical group merged w/another company. My insurance didn't cover it and became worthless. So I didn't get to see my cancer doc..not a good thing. And now I have to find a new oncologist. <br />
<br />
When you have cancer, finding a new oncologist is like finding a new spouse. Those I would have chosen have their dance cards full already. And for the ones that are left, they're usually not real attractive or just not what I had in mind. <br />
<br />
But hey, what a great problem to have! It's great to have to traverse through our healthcare system to find another doc from the most talented pool of health care professionals in the world. It's great to have an insurance company to fight with. It's great to have a cancer that can still be managed. And it's great to be sitting and blogging from my home instead of a hospital bed...or not at all. <br />
<br />
It's hard to feel like I'm being picked on when I focus on how much grace I get. There's always more than one perspective...it's my job to look for it and seize it when it comes. <br />
<br />
And when I open my eyes and see how good I really have it, I can't help but feel like the luckiest guy in the world. <br />
<br />
Have Two Great Days!<br />
<br />
EvanUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-41598413702205186272012-12-30T08:43:00.001-08:002012-12-30T08:50:18.584-08:00Contentment is an inside job...<br />
<div>
A lot of chaos and death the past couple weeks. It's been hard to accept much of it. But what choice do I really have? It is what it is. I need to accept this truth before I can feel okay...feel content. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Real contentment is born out of love and care for self. In other words, finding it is an inside job. No thing and no one can give it to you and no thing and no one can take it away. It's my job to change and meet the needs of my relationships and obligations. It's unrealistic, selfish and self-centered to expect the world to change so that I don't have to. Besides, it never works. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
All of us want contentment but some aren't willing to work for it. Some haven't accepted that contentment can't come from outside themselves...that it's an inside job. These folks want the irresponsible life of the child while still being granted the rewards earned by hard working responsible adults. And what happens?...they don't get what they want. So they live bitter and disappointed, blaming their misery on others rather than looking at themselves. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Acceptance that the rewards of life come from "giving" versus "getting" is sometimes a hard pill to swallow. But it's a must if you want to find peace and contentment. No one can shove an emotions down your throat. We can either accept and deal with our feelings or they will deal with us. We can either seek and find peace or we can choose not to seek and be miserable. Contentment must come from within. There is no other way. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Be good to your self. Seek and nourish the "you" that makes you special. For we can only accept and give to others to the degree that we can accept and give to ourselves. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Peace,</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Evan</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-1617940076919930432012-12-24T08:06:00.002-08:002012-12-24T08:06:19.097-08:00So it's Christmas Eve. Very cool. Being Jewish, I used to feel left out and different around this time of year. But over time I've learned to how to focus on our similarities over our differences. Like the wise Dr. Carl Jung; I believe that there exists a collective unconscious that connects us all...everything alive. I believe that feeling different is based on how I define "different" The reality is that people are too wrapped up in their own lives to be focused on me. So during the holiday time, I encourage everyone to look for the similarities in each other, to focus on what you can do for others rather than what they can do for you, and recognize more of what's right with the world than what's wrong with it. <br />
<br />
Wishing you and yours a safe, healthy and fulfilling holiday season. <br />
<br />
EvanUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-9876018949280701152012-12-14T06:14:00.002-08:002012-12-14T06:15:09.208-08:00A wonderful friend died the other day. Allen was one of those people I watched and copied. I respect so much of what he's done. Allen seemed to find that elusive balance between giving to others and giving to self. He didn't just talk about helping and being of service to others. He was the paradigm for it. <br />
<br />
I'm big on self-respect. I try and take the advice I give my clients. I say, "If you see someone doing something you respect, then if you copy it, you'll respect yourself, and that is how you develop self-respect." <br />
<br />
I've tried to live a lot like Allen and will continue to do so. And if I can do for someone what he has done for me, then my life has been worth living.<br />
<br />
Thanks Allen, for all those intellectual debates and private conversations we had sitting on your porch while you smoked your pipe. Thanks for being you, as it's made me a better person. Look down and be proud my dear friend. You've made the world and it's people just a little bit better.<br />
<br />
Blessings,Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6804304528752938868.post-66308853376985787042012-12-13T06:10:00.003-08:002012-12-13T06:10:34.176-08:00It's early. I love the mornings. It's my time. I've learned to take "me time". It's important that I treat myself as if I'm worth it, even if sometimes I don't think I am. Because the truth is...I am...I have intrinsic value; just like you. We were born with it. We are worthwhile and precious human beings, no worse and no better than the next person. We may think we are different, but we are not. <br />
<br />
Our perceptions mean everything. They determine how we see the world and the people, places and things in it. It's an illusion to believe that we see objectively. It's simply not possible. It's like trying to see ourselves from the vantage point of another. We can't. So for me, the idea is to remember this and not assume certainty of anything; which often isn't a comfortable place to be.<br />
<br />
I'm ready to start my day. I guess I already have...<br />
<br />
Blessings,Unknownnoreply@blogger.com